Wanting To Be Hugged

I am cold, alone and long for a hug. These moments of loneliness oh so silent. Wishing to still be in the arms of a loved one. Their presence and smell imprinting a memory in my core. What is it that makes me long to be held and touched? I just want to be seen as I am. Seeing our awareness merging into one. A moment for illusory duality to be revealed as the unity of being. The awareness in you and the awareness in me have seen self in other. The ecstasy of the mountain reaches a single peak. What began as many roads became a single final destination. The energy of awareness delights in it’s waving back into the ocean of infinity. I just want to be hugged. Deep down we all do. Invite that kind loving presence into your life. Stand up and out of yourself, turn around, see yourself, hug yourself as infinity would.

Written By: Danny Gluska

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I Just Want To Be Seen As Human

Being is what unites us. The capacity for awareness always present. Self reflection and seeking progress the mirror to re-identify better possibility in the now we reside in. How we are perceived isn’t a true assessment of reality. You can not know yourself through thought patterns and memories of who you think you are. You can only be who you are when you are truly aware of the present. Whether one is male, female, or somewhere in between, our essence lies still further. If I crossdress, I have not changed who I am. Awareness of being lies beyond biology’s labels. I can embody compassion through awareness of another’s presence. How I express gender isn’t what is most important. What is, is seeing the awareness of being, that is the goodness within us all. When we are in the space of awareness of being, we have room to be compassionate with all, in whatever there human expression is. Don’t judge me because I crossdress. See it as a desire to minimize the gap of knowing my opposite. I may never know my opposite from an inner perspective, but I can, by letting empathy bleed my outer perspective into my inner feelings.

Written By: Danny Gluska

Ruthless Love

The greatest gift for self is ruthless love. Who can love you, but yourself? No love can touch you if you don’t allow it penetrate your heart. Notice every breath as a moment to love. Contemplate ruthlessly observing yourself in a trance of love. Imagine hugging yourself, feel it and it will be real. You are an extension of the universe and your paradigm of experience. Every moment you must love yourself, by extension you must love the universe you experience. Never quit loving, there is no better action feeling. Quiet the voices, speak in your mind with love. Can you feel the energy flowing through every cell you are experiencing? Breathe in loving energy, and exhale back loving energy into the universe you inhabit. You are not alone, you are connected to the absolute that is absolutely incomprehensible.

Written By: Danny Gluska

Limits of Rationality

Sometimes we wish to erase another’s pain. Rationalizing the good in the bad and searching for growth in the chaos. A murdered brother whose killer was never apprehended or identified. A kidnapped brother never seen again. Brothers who robbed you in a business deal. Sisters and brothers who robbed you in a parent’s will. A burden that no rationality can take away it’s pain. I spent a lifetime rationalizing my father’s burden away. Maybe then he’d finally be the compassionate father I wished for. Finally life has broken me into abandoning such a wish. A lesson was learned. There never was a way to take away the pain with rationalization. Empathy is all I have. There is no peace without empathy. I can never explain away pain. With empathy I can be with the feelings of self or other so they can run their course and finally dissipate.

Written By: Danny Gluska

I Don’t Know

I don’t know, I lament. Can I really find forgiveness when I feel determined by past self hate? The most poignant thought that arises in my self reflection is one of acknowledging that self hate has driven me to move forward. Always trying to run from incessantly annoying past selves who were never good enough. How can I be happy, when all I’ve known is self hate? How can I be happy when I can’t disentangle from a life of self hate? Memory, but a cruel friend anxiously reinforcing you through the lens of self hate in the present. Each day a miserable battle with the demons of yesterday. Each day is a good day to die fighting for ruthless self love. I don’t know when I’ll lose, but one day I will, until the universe defeats me, I fight on.

Written By: Danny Gluska

Dichotomy

I get high, but I can’t lie. More sensitive, but to a fault. So naked and in touch with truth. I get high to feel better, but there’s no feeling better without brutal honesty with self. A flower blooming, but then falling over in it’s death. A sense of not being good enough lingers. Climbing the mountains for a better view. Searching for contentment, searching for when the beginning has transformed into a climactic peak. How can any moment be conceived as wrong if it necessary for it’s peak? Without the highs of truth and progress, we can never become so adept at seeing the wrongs of falsehood. One reflects and one absorbs, self and other, it all goes together. What self reflects, other absorbs. The lowest moments, no matter how suicidal, create value in the great moments. Dichotomy is just another perspective of unity. Unite your lowest moments by courageously revisiting them and asking how can they be your greatest blessings. Seek the high of truthfully being your best self by growing stronger from your lowest moments.

Written By: Danny Gluska

Observing

What does it mean to see? Go beyond seeing and observe. Empty your mind to your observation. Be aware that you are aware. Observe as one who has never observed before. All the wondrous colors creating your observation. Observe the fluctuations of the scene. Every time you open your eyes there is a new scene to behold. Life, the universe, is flowing with spacetime through you. Marvel at the awe of a star filled night sky. See and resonate through the wondrous window of you seeing outside, as you remain inside of your perceptions. What you perceive outside starts with how you internally perceive. Perceive with wonder how awesome it is to observe the fascinating scene of the universe as it evolves through spacetime. Let mere observing and awareness to observe be seen as a miracle born from nothingness.

Written By: Danny Gluska

No One

No one can give me that which I can’t give myself. Another is simply the aperture to receive, but if I don’t permit myself to receive, then their gift will be meaningless. Self love must be ruthless, faults and failures will always arise with feelings of darkness. The courage for self love, and honor for the here and now is a must. A reaching hand can’t lift you up when your hand is closed. The pain of the past is real, depression is real, suicidal ideation is real, being lost in a soup of infinity is real. It is ok to struggle, we all do, we all die, you never truly see a person because their body hides their mind. Be courageous, you can’t run from yourself, healing starts with a choice to open your hand. See the opportunity of this moment. Embrace all that your mind tells you, there is always something to learn and grow from. Strength is admitting the need for help, there is no individual when we are all parts of infinity reflecting on itself. No one but yourself has the key to begin your healing. Be strong and courageous.

Written By: Danny Gluska

Wish I Was There

Sadness ensues as my self hatred bubbles to the surface. Remembering all the times I’ve failed. Telling myself something is wrong with me. Darkness my friend returns perched on my shoulders. The past not here physically, but mentally it is. All I want to do is let go of self hatred and let acceptance ensue. Yet, the same voice remains, a monster I’ve created that won’t die. I fondly remember spaces of loving acceptance and wish I was there. A smile and warmth ensues. I close my eyes and time travel. Enveloped in a space of being loved, even when I can’t love myself. Kindness seeing me and remaining kind, even when I’ve lost my kindness for self. The gift of another, I’m humbled and thankful.

Written By: Danny Gluska

Ruminations of Expectations

Distinctions exist beyond labels. I place expectation in how I label. Reality happens beyond my control for the expectations of the definitions I use to label. Everything experienced is experienced subjectively. Never can I run from myself and what I expect in myself nor can I bury truth for self soothing. My eyes are bound by my expectations. Questioning, wondering, and lamenting in relative comparison to what I want. Will that moment of perfect being ever come? Or are these expectations I ponder always going to pull me into feeling unfulfilled? Why does the undesirable well up in me? Am I the driver or the experiencer of life? I dream to fly, and be perfect, but lack such authority. Ruminate as I do, but what remains true is I can’t synthesize perfect imaginations and expectations with reality. All I can do is take this one step and be whole with what the here and now presents. Maybe then my expectations and desiring self can find peace with what is in my being.

Written By: Danny Gluska

Blank Slate

Haunted by the past there is no freedom in the present. An attempt to outrun self and leave behind things unwanted. Unwanted by whom I wonder. What self is it that is doing the running? Why delude oneself in thinking you can outrun or leave behind that which is undigested experience. You can’t be fully present if you haven’t fully digested past experience. Go back and take a moment to ponder. The present must wait if you haven’t left the past behind. Every breath should be a unique treasuring of all the present has to offer. Integrate all your past with a witnessing compassion to what has been. Then the infinite possibilities of the present can be lived. Maybe then you can find a blank slate in the present, with the freedom to be renewed because you chose your past, while not feeling determined by it.

Written By: Danny Gluska

Opening A Closed Door

I search for a way to close the door. Burying confusion out of sight. I lament a lack of freedom and seek clarity. Why do I reflect in a demoralizing isolation? Where can I find refuge for my confusion? The walls around me only live in my mind. I step out of my house to see the rain cease. The sun shines a new light through the clouds. In truth I am free at last. There is no undoing what is. A chance to love what is. Joy in acceptance and being willing to step outside. Fear and self hate dissipate as I acknowledge the convergence of attention on my existence. Being seen and heard with compassion, a miracle to be thankful for. A miracle so unreal I wonder how the universe found me out.

Written By: Danny Gluska

A Star

I look up at the sky and marvel at your beauty. The eyes of the universe looking back at me. How far off you are, I wonder. Are you still there or has your light dissipated. Will we meet again? Will I know it’s you when tomorrow’s night sky is just a little different. I wish I could contain this moment of wonder. Just the star and I in a dance of attention. Looking into the soul of this universe in this split second. I long to be ever so nearer to the star. To see as a blind man who can now see. To truly marvel at the beauty of your light up close and not from an infinite distance. Tonight I shall dream that we meet again. Perhaps, if I’m lucky we’ll meet up close, light years be damned. I’ll float in wonder in the presence of your beauty.

Written By: Danny Gluska

Survival

Survival is an illusion, no one’s survives life. Either you’re dead or alive. You can’t experience death as you. You can fight for survival, but your fighting will never bring you life beyond your fated death. You don’t need to worry about survival, you won’t. Instead, you can live wisely and fully. Don’t put off living to survive another day. If survival was paramount, then why surrender to death when you sleep? There is no need to fear death, there is no you beyond death who is fearful at not having survived. There is only this breath, use it wisely. Death is merely the experience you had before you were born. Don’t live for survival when it is an idea of the wave overcoming the ocean. The wave only is because it came from the ocean. Live so well for it’s own sake, and when the time comes you won’t be attached to the illusion of survival. Instead, you can lay your head on the pillow with a peaceful clarity of having lived when you still could.

Written By: Danny Gluska

Liberation

Don’t define yourself by what you have done in the past. Define yourself by what you are choosing to do now. Mindful or not, there is a perceptual choice made in this very present moment. You can exchange your responsibility for blame on the past, but you are deceiving yourself. When it was “past”, it was the present, and you simply failed to choose what you really wanted. Each breath is a new unfolding of the here and now. The universe is watching you, curious to see how you unfold the moment. Really mindfully choose, and you are free in the present. This is freedom, free to be responsible for how you are being here and now. That, or you decide to turn around and place blame on ghosts as an excuse for “powerlessness”. One can be objectively imprisoned, but need not imprison oneself subjectively. Woefully worse, one can be objectively free but subjectively imprisoned. Only you can free yourself, see that the here and now is always the universe starting anew with this very breath.

Written By: Danny Gluska